Monday, July 31, 2017

Hello Again

All things considered, I really think this is the best Shelley Long movie about the afterlife.

Hello again, friends, strangers, and inevitable assholes.

Today I have a lesson for you. In general I don't like lessons because they are boring. But this one is really good, I promise. It goes like this:

The most wonderful thing about losing everything is having nothing left to lose.

For the past few months I have been, in a sense, convalescent. In the course of a few weeks, I lost a lot. I lost my faith in feminism, by any definition. I had hoped it could be saved, but I concluded it had always been a lost cause. Then I lost my place in an organization I had helped build. Then I lost my two best friends, both of them publicly.

I retreated into a healing cocoon composed of family, a (very) few friends, and Battlestar Galactica reruns. I withdrew from social media and the Internet at large, and thought for a long time about what had happened and what I should learn from it. I distrust feelings and I'm not in close touch with mine. So rather than wallow in feelings, I had a lot of thoughts, and I let myself think them.

It would be a lie to say there is no bitterness. I would love to be that big of a person. But every time someone says she's not bitter, I wanna go, "You're a little bit bitter, bitch!"

You're not fine.

Happily, bitterness is a very small fraction of what I feel. More than anything else, I feel free.

Since I became prolife and then conservative in 2007 and 2010, respectively, I have lost four best friends. I didn't lose them because I hurt them or stole their boyfriends or ran over their moms with my car. I lost them because of ideas. Opinions. The details don't matter. This is what it boils down to, and it's important for me to share this not to air my dirty laundry or get everyone riled up at my grievances, but because we are moving further and further toward a culture where Your Opinion is Not Allowed. Not even among the people you thought you were safe with.

When I was a kid, people used to say this kind of wacky shit: "I may not agree with your opinion, but I'll defend to the death your right to say it." Hahaha WTF is THAT? We don't live in that America anymore. Now we have: "I may not agree with your opinion, but I'll reconsider ending our friendship if you change it immediately and apologize publicly."

For the most part, I'm the type of person who doesn't give a shit if my opinion offends anyone, but I was always a little worried in the back of my mind that one or more of my very few friends was going to stop being my friend (again) because of my opinions. I'm not super interested in the psychoanalysis behind that. Maybe it's from being an abandoned kid or an insecure person or maybe it's because I was born when the moon was in Jupiter's asshole. I don't know, and I don't really care.

Do I miss my best friends? Sure. We had some great times, but I haven't shed a tear, nor will I. And I now get to not worry who I offend. I now get to say everything I wanted to say and let fly even the bits I held back for fear of losing the people who mattered most. I did lose them, and I lived. Not only did I live, I learned a powerful lesson about what real friendship is. I'm stronger than I was. I have less to lose, and a whole lot more to say.

And I'm going to pass those savings on to you, readers. I now get to be even more offensive. If you thought I was uncensored before, just wait.

It is incredibly important to me to explore what things really mean, examine the assumptions at the core of our societies, cultures, beliefs, and systems. If you have followed my work for any length of time, you know that I have changed my mind. I will never be afraid or ashamed to change my mind. If I find I was wrong, I will admit it. I have changed my mind on huge issues, from the existence of God to the morality of abortion to whether Donald Trump is #theworst. I have always shared my thought processes openly, and admitted that I was mistaken. Changing your mind means you are thinking, learning, and growing. If you don't change your mind about something big about once a year, read more books.

I will never stop examining, thinking, and telling the truth, and I will be merciless about it. If it costs me everyone and everything, I will continue to share the truth as I perceive it. This is the reason I was put on earth.

I have many things to say here at Chronicles of Radness and I will be saying them in due time. I appreciate your patience as I build my Malevolent Empire.

In answer to a few questions I have received:

No, I will not be back on Facebook anytime soon or, most likely, ever. I don't know of many positive things that come from FB or social media in general. I will be keeping my Twitter and IG for now but I don't use them much. I will be communicating with the world mostly through this blog, and I don't know how often that will be. I have a very busy several months coming up, but you can look forward to big things from Chronicles of Radness as soon as I can get them off the ground, including a promised YouTube channel and podcast.

No, I will not be speaking publicly about the details of my dismissal from New Wave Feminists, at least not in any detail. Some of it is confidential and the rest is not particularly interesting or pertinent to the future. I've always been -- and remain -- a future-focused person. The past doesn't interest me much. I reserve the right to change my mind about this as I see fit, but for now it seems like a pointless topic on which to dwell. What's in my rearview mirror is not my problem.

No, I will not be inserting myself back into the prolife movement in a major way. I love the prolife movement, despite it having the flaws of any movement, and I maintain several friendships with wonderful people who are involved in helping women and children. For now, for a variety of reasons, I would prefer to support organizations I believe in strongly, and to do so somewhat quietly.

The main foci of this blog will be as follows:

Trolling feminists
Smashing feminism
Exposing radical leftism on campus
Pointing out shit that radical Muslims do and going "WTF?"
Commenting on shit in our culture that makes me go "WTF?"
Telling the truth
Making fun of people
Doing whatever I want
Occasional recipes
Maybe pics of my dog


As mentioned, I am no longer interested in having social media be a part of my life, so I will not be going out of my way to promote this blog. I may decide to put it on Twitter, or maybe not. I'll let you know when videos are up, and will link to my YouTube channel. There is also a book in the works, because I feel strongly compelled to share my journey into and out of feminism with young women who might be walking a similar path.

From the bottom of my heart, thank you to those who have messaged me with encouragement, love, support, and a swift kick in the ass. You know who you are, and I appreciate you more than I can say.



  1. Wait, back up. You were dismissed from New Wave Feminists, you didn't quit? That makes me seriously disappointed in Destiny. A tiny fraction of what you must be feeling, obviously, because it's not like I've ever met her or anything, but still seriously disappointed as someone who followed both of you for several years.

    The whole thing with people refusing to be friends with anyone who thinks differently than they do is why I'm only just now starting to try to make friends again after not making any for ten years. (I made the mistake of going to Smith, where they were early adapters of this trend.) People are amazing in that they can be so incredibly good and so incredibly awful in the exact same individual.

    I'm looking forward to the YouTube channel and podcast. Maybe you can get an interview with Milo Yiannopoulos so I can explode from the awesomeness. Best of luck with everything.

    1. Thank you very much. I would really love to crash one of the anti-Milo protests that seem to follow all his appearances. I still have a dream of trolling feminists to their faces.