Friday, May 16, 2014

Political Rant 2014, Volume One

I haven't written about politics in a while. I've been focusing on other things. It's not that I don't notice or care what happens in the political realm. It's just that I don't let it bother me as much. I try to look at my immediate surroundings and keep my attention there. It's helping me be less weird.

The other reason I focus less and less on politics is it gets worse and worse.

Pretty much everywhere, there are fundamentally two sides: Liberty and Bullshit. The problem is Bullshit has to win somehow, and the only way they're going to win is by pretending they are the champions of the wounded poor, the trod-upon minorities, all the myriad victims of the mean, mean people who want Liberty. Despite the fact that the more Bullshit we get, the worse everything is. Bullshit is a lie, but it's a gorgeous lie. It's the reason why almost all of us believe in Bullshit until we get to a certain age and the scales fall from our eyes and we go, Oh wait. Reality.

Bullshitters can't run on the truth, so they run on Bullshit. And Bullshit always sells better than the truth. It's easier to "explain" Bullshit than the truth. It would take me at least a few hundred words to briefly explain why liberty is what we should be striving for. It would also require on the part of the reader some basic understanding of economics, history, and human nature. But the Bullshit argument is a mere haiku:

Nothing is your fault.
Republicans are just mean.
Here's some more free shit.

Please keep in mind all Democrats are Bullshit, and so are most Republicans. The people who aren't on the Bullshit side are few and far between, and everyone thinks they're mean and/or crazy. It's hard out here for a pimp [who believes in Liberty].

Anyway let me just do one big-ass rant and get the whole first half of 2014 out of the way.

Still waitin' for that justice.

1. Benghazi

Everybody knows - everybody fucking knows - if Benghazi happened under a Republican that Republican would have been more or less crucified by now. This is a "duh" statement. If you want to argue it, first you have to prove to me you can tie your shoes and count to twenty.

The Liberty side - and Republicans who pretend to be on the Liberty side when the cameras are running - are always judged more harshly by the media because the media is on the side of Bullshit. This means when Bullshit is in power the media don't do their jobs, and when Liberty is in power they are overzealous, unethical, biased, and deceptive.

When it comes to Benghazi, this administration and their puppets lied like dogs. Now they're pretty much caught, but it doesn't matter because they have no accountability. Who's gonna investigate? Eric Holder? (Pause for laughter.)

The people who shovel the Bullshit don't want to think or talk about Benghazi because it makes them look and sound incompetent, and the people who buy the Bullshit don't want to think or talk about Benghazi because they've been taught to feel deep down like maybe it's our fault as Americans that we keep making terrorists kill us.

Annoying pundit Eleanor Clift spoke for a lot of people, sadly, when she criticized the "glib" use of the word "murder" to describe what happened to Ambassador Chris Stevens. She pointed out - correctly - that he died of smoke inhalation. Never mind that the smoke was from a fire started by terrorists. Does she also still think those terrorists were protesting a video? That it's our fault because we allow free speech against Muslims?

You're right, Eleanor Clift. Ambassador Stevens died of smoke inhalation. So did many of the people who died in the World Trade Center. That's like saying 9/11 victims died from a building falling on them, and ignoring the fact that the building fell after a hijacker crashed a plane into it. Which is to say: Eleanor Clift is about as sharp as a bag of wet hair.

At the center of all this mess is four murdered Americans and a Secretary of State who plainly gives less than a tenth of a fuck. Which brings me to...

2. Hillary Clinton

Most conservative talk radio hosts are at least 50% insane. One of them the other day proved my point by saying he doesn't think Hillary will run, and if she does she probably won't win. I think he's wrong on both counts. I think she will run, and I think she will probably win, because of the Bullshit Haiku. (See above.)

Hillary Clinton is ten pounds of crazy in a five pound bag. If you haven't read anything about the Clintons, I suggest you do so. I'm not gonna tell you which books to read. Do your own research, decide for yourself who's worth believing. I have become convinced in the course of my own investigation that the Clintons are perhaps the most corrupt, criminal, sociopathic couple ever to funk up the presidential sheets.

But she'll probably win. Because she has the last name Clinton, for one. Everybody loves Bill Clinton. They don't know why. They just think he's cool. "Everything was great under Clinton!" Maybe, but guess who's not responsible for that? Clinton! The 90s were better than now in virtually every way, but it's not because Bill Clinton existed. It's for lots of reasons, but that would take up two or three more blog posts.

The other reason people will vote for Hillary is her vagina. People will want to feel really good about how progressive they are for voting for a woman, the same way they wanted to feel great about voting for Barack Obama because he's a black dude. Barack Obama is a talented and clever man in many ways, but he wouldn't be president if he were white. Period.

All the stupid women - and there are so, so many - will vote for Hillary for no other reason than her lady plumbing. A bunch of stupid men will vote for her because they're stupid. The Bullshit Haiku.

3. Moms Demand Action

It's all right here.

This woman is about to be stoned to death under sharia law.
4. Women's Rights

Its failure to appropriately condemn sharia and help women around the world escape it is one of the greatest of the many great failures of modern feminism.

In the United States, when you say "women's rights," you mean, for the most part, abortion on demand and free birth control. Because women aren't truly independent until they can pay someone to suck their children out of them for any reason, and until the gub'mint forces their employers to pay for their birth control. Especially Catholic employers, because fuck those guys.

In many Muslim countries, Islamism has made women's rights a matter of survival. Women in those countries have nothing. No rights. They are chattel. They can be treated as inhumanely as their husbands and male relatives desire, and disposed of at will.

Then there's sex selective abortion, which California just failed to outlaw. Because they believe so strongly in women's rights that they believe women should be allowed to abort their baby if it's a girl. (It's a big problem among Chinese and Indian communities especially, here in the States, and many of these women are being coerced by husbands and in-laws.)

Basically, if fauxminists really cared about women, they would stop whining because they can't have abortions after 24 weeks and start speaking out about sharia and gendercide.

I would really like to know about an organization in the States that helps women who are fleeing or want to flee from situations where they are victims of sharia or similar cruelty. If you know of one, please email me.

4. Don Sterling

You know what should bother you about Don Sterling? Not that he's a racist piece of shit. There are lots of racist pieces of shit out there. There will always be racist pieces of shit, of all races and colors, everywhere.

What should bother you about Don Sterling is that nowadays, if you say something unsavory - not criminal, not a threat, just a gross opinion - in the privacy of your own home in what you believe to be a private conversation, it can be used to destroy your life. You can have property you own forcibly taken from you.

If that doesn't bother you, you are dumb.

Also: Sterling was sued for being a racist slumlord back in 2009. So how come ALL OF A SUDDEN it is BIG FUCKING NEWS that Don Sterling is a racist? OH MY GOD AN 80-YEAR-OLD WHITE GUY IS A RACIST! HOW COULD THIS BE?!

We have to keep freaking out about people being racist. Everybody's opinion is our business. Meanwhile our actual president, who actually matters, is leaving office with a report card ranging from Underwhelming to How Did You Even Fuck Things Up That Bad Without Being Satan - unlike Don "Don't Bring Blacks To My Games" Sterling, who paid $20 million for the Clippers and turned it into a $750 million team. I wouldn't mind Barack Obama being a racist - and he is a racist - if he did that shit with the country.

No one cared that Don Sterling was a philandering bigot until it became politically expedient for them to care.

It is just embarrassing to hear the quavering indignation in the voices of people who talk about how horrible it is that Don Sterling said what he said. The NBA commissioner sounded like he was going to weep at his own righteousness as he declared Don Sterling banned from ever sitting on the board, going to a game, looking at a basketball, etc.

Everybody from Oprah to Magic Johnson to the talking heads on ESPN are a-tremble with their own bravery and moral fiber for declaring Don Sterling a big mean meanie.

You know what would ACTUALLY be brave? For one of these assholes to point out one of the following things:

A. "Isn't it kind of scary that a private conversation in which you express a private opinion can lead to something you own being forcibly taken from you?"
B. "Isn't it kind of weird that everyone is super upset that Don Sterling expressed racist viewpoints, but no one cares he screws prostitutes like it's his full-time job?"
C. "Isn't it kind of wrong that Don Sterling can be universally loathed for expressing racist views against blacks, but blacks who express racist views against whites get a pass?"

Let's look at a few examples of racist black people saying racist things in public:

White folks was in the caves while we was building empires … We built pyramids before Donald Trump ever knew what architecture was … we taught philosophy and astrology and mathematics before Socrates and them Greek homos ever got around to it. - Al Sharpton
The point I was making was not that Grandmother harbors any racial animosity. She doesn't. But she is a typical white person... - Barack Obama
I give interracial couples a look. Daggers. They get uncomfortable when they see me on the street. - Spike Lee

I could go on, but fuck.

Imagine all those quotes said by famous white people, about black people and "homos." Imagine George W. Bush referring to someone as a "typical black person." Imagine Steven Spielberg saying he gives interracial couples dirty looks. Then imagine the outrage, the uproar, the screams for blood. If Sean Hannity called somebody a homo, he'd never work again.

This is why it's hard for me to take all the racial demagoguery seriously. 

It is no longer enough for us to disagree with people whose viewpoints we find reprehensible. We have to destroy them. We have to ruin them utterly. (If you don't already know about him, google what happened to the CEO of Mozilla.)

There is now an acceptable opinion on these things and an unacceptable one. And if your view is unacceptable, you are fucked. You will be called out, denounced, and ruined. Because that is how things work in the Soviet Union.

Oh, wait, I mean modern day America.

That guy in the background? I am that guy.

5. Full Communism

No, I'm not done yet. I'm just getting warmed up. You can take a pee break if you need to. I will still be here. I WILL ALWAYS BE HERE.

The "Full Communism" thing is everywhere nowadays. It's a hashtag. It's even got a sub-reddit.

I don't have much to say about this except I think it's adorable when people who have no grasp of the past attempt to design the future. Oh, wait, did I say "adorable?" I meant "fucking horrifying."

I'll never go to the gulag, comrades. You'd have to kill me first. But if you get reality's version of "Full Communism" instead of the one a unicorn crapped into your mind via The New York Times, some of you dipshits will go. Send me a motherfucking postcard.

Greetings From Sunny Siberia!
6. Hashtags

My favorite thing about hashtags is how they rescued those people from Somali pirates. Oh, and that hashtag who shot Osama bin Laden - what a hero!

Oh, wait, I'm sorry, I got confused. Those weren't hashtags, they were big scary mean men with guns! It's so easy to get them mixed up!

Look at that hashtag go!
The problem is the hashtag people (including Michelle Obama) have a great deal of contempt for the big, scary, mean, well-trained, well-armed men who actually do rescue people from bad guys. So they post a picture of themselves making a "me spilled my milky" face holding up a hashtag, and then they go back to getting pedicures and watching The View or whatever, and feel like they did something.

And when some big scary mean straight guys with big scary black guns (that should totally be outlawed!) actually rescue the poor kidnapped girls, do you think the hashtaggers will feel any shame? Do you think the thought, "Fuck me, all I did was hashtag, and those dudes risked their lives" will ever cross their minds?

No. They have no shame. They are hashtaggers. Instead they will think, "It was probably the worldwide Twitter pressure of people like me who finally got those guys off their asses."

And then they will praise whichever politician issued the order, as long as he's a Democrat. And they will never know or care who the actual heroes were, because they are too busy knowing and caring a million things that don't fucking matter.

Last but not least, they will steadfastly refuse to care that Islamism is the reason those girls were kidnapped, and the reason millions of Christians and women around the world live every day in fear for their lives and innocence. Because acknowledging that would be intolerant and probably racist.

7. John McCain

Why? Whyyyyyy?

8. Chris Christie

Seriously who fucking cares?

9. Ukraine and Russia

Whatever happens, this administration will fuck it up. I promise.

10. Taxation

Is theft.

11. Government