Friday, May 10, 2013

My Double Rainbow Moment

Something totally boss just happened.

As you read this, you're gonna probably think about that YouTube video that went viral a few years ago. You know the one: the stoned dude crying over a double rainbow in the sky. (No, I'm not gonna link to it. Google that shit if you want.)

This is not about that double rainbow moment. This is my double rainbow moment. It is both more inspiring and, if possible, more embarrassing than that one dude's.

1. So I was really sad because I maybe didn't ovulate this month. I track my temps like crazy but they are not showing me what they need to show me. This is my second cycle on Clomid. This is our seventh cycle trying to conceive. I'm not gonna go into major detail about it. All you need to know is it's looking like I didn't ovulate and it's got me majorly bummed.

2. So my husband came home from work and for a while I was handlin' shit and then I'd had enough of that and I cried. Hard. And got mascara aaaallll over my husband's shirt.

3. Why did I even wear mascara today? Of all days? I didn't go anywhere.

4. It was the kind of crying that's like... the bad crying. Okay? The bad crying where you know unless you keep a tight leash on that shit there are going to be buh-huh-huh sounds. So you do a lot of breathing in and swallowing to keep that from happening because we have limits. It was the kind of crying where you just say Jesus's name a lot because you can't even form words and requests but for real He'd better help you.

5. And then I finished, and I pulled it together because I'm hard. I'm Dwayne The Rock Johnson. And we laughed and talked and it was fine.

6. But a few minutes later he had to leave for something, and I gave him a hug bye and apparently getting back into crying position told my brain it was time to be sad again.

7. My husband told me everything was gonna be alright, like he does, and he left. As he left, he said, "Hey, the sun came out!" (It rained all day.)

8. And I told myself I was gonna go do something pointless on the Internet and not think about anything. I picked up my phone and sat on the couch in the dark living room with the patio door open looking at the golden-lit sky outside.

9. Just then, I got a text from my huband, not three minutes after he left. He was around the corner and snapped a picture of a double rainbow and sent it to me with a text that said: "It's a double rainbow!"

10. I texted him back, "Oh my goodness! It's a good omen!" And he replied, "Yes!" And I replied, "It means we're going to have gay twins!" And he replied, "Nooooo!" And we both replied, "LOL."

11. And I sat and thought about whether that was a good omen. A message.

12. Then for no reason whatsoever I got up and went outside in my naht-nahts (pajamas, for those of you who aren't white trash) and stood on the patio and looked around. The sky was gold and blue and piled with clouds in the west. Beautiful and bright and glowing. It was cool and the wind was blowing and the birdhouse hanging from the roof of the patio was twisting in the wind. I watched the wind blow the bushes around and took deep breaths.

13. I wanted the air to smell like honeysuckle, because it usually does lately, but it smelled first like wet dog shit, and then like Hamburger Helper. I was thinking how that would make a funny status update. And then I was like, well, it smells really funky out here so I'm gonna go in.

14. As I turned to go in I happened to glance up and to the left. And I saw it. The double rainbow. It was bigger than hell. You wouldn't believe how big it was. The little snapshot my husband sent from around the corner was nothing. It was like God threw the rainbows right above our apartments. I can't even capture with my iPhone camera how big it was.

15. This is the part where I have to tell you something really embarrassing. When I was 13 I decided I was going to embrace my Red Power heritage. I'm like 1/16th Cherokee. Or Choctaw. Or something. Whatever. Anyway I was having that 13-year-old surbuban white girl moment where I was gonna IDENTIFY with some oppression in my background. So stupid. I was 13, okay?

16. So I went up on the roof of our house, where I used to go sit for hours by myself and read and think and write and whatnot. And I sat up there and asked for a vision of what my Indian name should be. (I know. It gets gayer.) And I sat there for a long time and had some thoughts but didn't really decide on one, and when I turned around to climb down off the roof there was a double rainbow behind our house, big as anything.

17. So I was all, "Holy crap, it's a sign. My Indian name is Double Rainbow. It's rare and magnificent like me."

18. And then I forgot about the Red Power movement and double rainbows a couple days later and went on with my dumb life.

19. I've probably seen a double rainbow since then, but I can't remember a single instance.

20. And it probably doesn't mean anything, except maybe it does. Because it was right over my head, y'all. It was huge and bright and so close I could touch it.

21. So I'm going to believe this was a sign from God that everything is going to be okay.

22. And also maybe gay twins.

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